Timeline to September 2013

September 2013- Nick is gone and I have so many emotions. I kept my next dr.'s appt with the 1st dr for a clomid checkup, we went ahead and took it before he left even though we knew we had little chance of getting pregnant. But by surprise I started to have a peak in fertility before he left so I keep thinking there's a small chance.... So I kept my appt thinking maybe I would get a blood test and I had been having a lot of pelvic pain the last few days so I was hoping she would do some more testing. When I went in I was a little nervous I would get the same treatment as before. She felt it was a little too early to do a blood test (darn), but we talked about the next steps and then I don't know why but I broke down right then and there in front of the doctor. It was bound to happen sooner or later I had just been feeling so emotional lately with Nick leaving and seeing/hearing news of everyone else getting pregnant but us. I think its more frustration and not understanding more than anything else. I just keep asking why!? I have so many unanswered questions and being in the unknown and out of control is so hard for me. I know I should leave it in God's hands but when will god give us our next miracle. August 2013- July turned into August so fast, It was time again for School to start and consignment sales we that week. I was excited for the consignment sales, the boys were pretty set on clothes so I turned my attention on getting good baby deals. I was a little apprehensive, thinking this may jinx us. But we were on the Clomid I thought for sure that was the extra push we needed. So while I bought a few things for the boys I found great deals on swings, equipment, and clothes (yes girl clothes) My Doctor said to surround myself with pink ;) Since my brother and sister-in-law were due soon I offered all the equipment up to them to borrow first (he's in med school so every little bit helps) They didn't want to crowd their small house so passed on most of it but the item they wanted specifically. Great! Now I had to find storage for all this. We have little storage space, and my studio takes up a lot of that. all while this was going on we had to get the carpet replaced in the boys' room. A storm a few months back had shattered glass inside, which meant the big huge bunk bed had to be taken down. I thought to myself this might be the perfect time to move them downstairs and then our storage problem would be solved and I could start a nursery. But the bunk bed didn't fit, Nick didnt want to mess with putting it back up so we bought them new furniture. I could have then still moved them to the basement but I made the decision to keep them upstairs knowing we still had plenty of time to move them downstairs if we did get pregnant this time around. My next appt was my clomid check and blood pregnancy test and I thought a check up on the tumor. Nick came with me this time, the doctor came in did a check asked me how I had been feeling and was a bout to just send me on my way. Did she forget I had a TUMOR? It's possible she didn't remember that she delivered my last son :/ So in short I was disappointed that's how my dr's appt went. She sent me down for my blood test and said to call the next day, if negative we would do another month of Clomid. I was ok with this... sort of. In a way I didnt' want to do another month surely we already got the job done but at least we had one more try before Nick left again. Well, the test was a Negative and all the clomid did was throw my cycle off, now we lost our chance at trying again before he left. Being unhappy with the Dr. I made an appt with a second dr. I was bound and determined to get answers. After two appointments with her I'm in the same boat but she was nicer and seemed to listen and make time for me. Suggesting different procedures to find out more about the tumor and what was causing us not to get pregnant. July 2013- I finally give in and start thinking maybe God really wants us ready if this were to happen. I thought about it before this point but with all the reform stuff going on I felt it was as good as time as any to get health insurance. We are both self employed so this was going to be paid out of our pockets I was unsure how much it was going to cost us but I started to think that their might be something going on. I conceived my other 2 children quite easily, so this was unusual to me. I had overtime talked to a few people that suggested that had similar issues and their doctor prescribed them clomid. Not knowing what it was I researched a bit and thought maybe it would be the extra boost we needed. I also hadn't had my yearly woman appt in 3 years :/ (we didnt have insurance for a year and a half and I failed to get it done while we still had it) So I decided that since we now had insurance I needed to see my O.B. I scheduled my appt, I was excited to see what the doctor thought about our situation. July 11th was my 1st appt of many in the next couple of months. She did my yearly exam and we talked about our situation. She decided an ultrasound was the best bet at this point to see if there was anything going on in there that could be hindering our chances, and also to draw some blood. When I went back the next week to get results I wasn't sure what to expect. She proceeded with blood test is normal but your sono was not. At that point I'm not sure I listened to much else. Why hadn't I come in sooner? Would it have made a difference? The findings on the ultrasound was a tumor. I immediately went home and started researching, called my brother (he's in med school) he gave me a little relief saying that if we did become pregnant a tumor in the uterus wouldn't effect a baby. But I was still unsure about it all. Could this be the reason we weren't getting pregnant? My doctor also sent me home with a prescription of clomid, I felt hopeful that it would be our gateway to our little girl. (it is called the gateway drug to pregnancy (: ) Shortly after that Nick was home, we were happy to be together again and get this show on the road. April 2013- This was a short trip home for Nick, we only had one chance while he was home this time so I was just hopeful it would happen. I remember talking to him about the timeline, by the time he got back it would be almost time for us to find out what it was and I would be past the morning sickness hopefully. But no avail another time home and no +sign March 2013- We take an exciting trip to Walt Disney World in Florida with the boys. It's just what our family needs to spend quality time together. My thinking was we better take them now before baby #3 is on the way so we can all enjoy it. We had such a great time and I kept thinking while there I would have to take my princess back there when she was old enough, seeing all the little girls being dressed up like cinderella and many others made me smile and look forward to another trip some day. After we got back it was time to start trying, I just knew it would happen soon, and while I wanted a spring baby I put that in the back of my mind, I just wanted my little girl no matter when she came. December 2012- We went to visit Nick's family, I was so excited to tell them we were trying for that little girl we really wanted. Yes we were trying every "girl method" I read about. It's also about time for Nick to go back to work. We tested while we were on our little mini vacation but so + signs yet. Looking back now we had little or no chance at trying one more time before Nick left to go back to work. I lost it at the airport when we dropped Nick off, I always try so hard to be strong so the boys dont see me sad. But I couldn't hold in the tears this time. We had to wait till March to try again. November 2012- I find out my best friend/cousin is pregnant, I'm even more eager to get pregnant. We've always wanted to have kids close together. We also found out around this time that my brother and sis-in-law are trying too. All the more reason to jump on the bandwagon, it's fun to be pregnant with people your close to. My other two pregnancies I was pregnant with multiple friends. October 2012- Nick's back home from work, we have had many talks about when to start "trying" while he's away. We make the decision to not do anything to prevent it from happening.