REALITY CHECK

I had been doing better, getting through day to day without the feeling I could break down anytime... Until today. Another realization that we have been trying for so long with no avail, lots of frustration and tears, while others have it so easy. It's like they say hey I'm ready to be pregnant and and poof the next month they are. I don't understand why me??? Why is it my body that can't get with the program?! So I volunteer with this person, consider her a friend but I don't know how to be happy for her. She has all boys, her youngest at just a year. So in that way its hard for me to swallow that she was blessed so fast again with god's gift. And I know she wants a girl as badly as I do (well I dont if it's as bad) but it's just the fact that she might have that blessing a lot sooner than I will. This set off my emotions again, it might take some time to get out of this rut again, I have some babies to cuddle with in the studio the next few days so maybe that will help, or maybe it will hurt. I did something today, I'm not sure why I did it. I moved all the baby items to the basement in storage... they've been collectively making piles first in my office and bedroom and then took over part of the boys closet. A big part! Going through everything was hard, realizing just how long ago I started collecting and buying things for that girl I am so hopeful for. it hurts, my heart hurts... Looking at all this stuff and even putting some in a pile to sell and contemplating doing it to others. I have a bunch of spring stuff, thinking I was going to get that spring baby or even before spring baby and still be able to use it. Now there's no chance of that unless we have to wait passed april-may to finally conceive.I just wish I had answers, will it happen, when will it happen, will it go the way I want it to go? because right now i'm losing faith!